This guy that just came into my donut shop, stopped in his tracks, and actually told me what I was wearing was a little too revealing, that I was asking for a little bit more. He said it was showing outlines of my underwear, and I should have a little self-respect. He was wearing a t-shirt too small for him, and cut-off jeans that were above his knee caps, revealing his noticeably dry legs. Then, this man went off on how women get raped because they’re wearing sexual clothing, wearing skirts above the knee, wearing tight clothing, wearing whatever they please. He was claiming that women are asking for it. He’s claiming that it’s a woman’s fault for their own rape. He even told me that I should “be open-minded,” to this view, that women should control themselves.
I recall telling him
"I think I respect my body well enough to wear whatever I please. Who’s quite sure of their own self-respect? Well, I’m pretty sure the person in charge of that, is myself. You’re telling me how I’m wearing sexualizing clothing, in my own donut shop, and that I’m going to get raped for this? What if someone thought you were revealing too much? Your shorts are above the knee, and what if I thought that’s a little too much? According to your logic, I think you just might be asking for it. So please, don’t you dare tell me that what I’m wearing shows how much respect I hold for myself. And please, for the love of God, don’t tell me it’s a woman who should be controlling herself, when the rapist should be controlling himself.
Also,please get out of my donut shop. Thank you, and have a nice day.”
If it wasn’t for me having self-control, I would have strangled him with my flip-flops. But, having self-respect, I decided not to taint my own hands.
Victimizing rape is why rape culture exists. I have had friends that have been sexually abused, molested, raped, etc. Is it really their fault that they wore clothes that weren’t mean to be sexualized? What if they had no intention AT ALL to be sexualized? In the eyes of the beholder, they just wanted to look the way they wanted to, respecting their body enough to wear what they like. For the sake of all things human, rape is never asked for, ever. We are never asking for it.
Shouldn’t it be men, or the rapists, controlling themselves? Shouldn’t they be having self-control? Yes, you can teach men women to defend themselves, but you can also teach parents to teach their kids that, “No, means no.”
I don’t know, you can either see this as a rant, or some “feminist,” but I swear, if you’re going to blame a rape victim for being raped, for asking for it, for wearing what they’re wearing, I’m going to come at you like a blood-sucking vampire.
Because you were asking for it.